Fish Out of Water

I know I can’t be alone in feeling like a fish out of water sometimes with this current health crisis. All of our lives have been turned upside down and shook to the core. My anxiety and depression are making their presence known daily and it’s a struggle to keep that in check. I sat in quiet this morning and spent five minutes reading two daily meditations: Jesus Calling and The Language of Letting Go  

Boy was that exactly what I needed to read today. Both readings touched on things that I currently need to work on. Communication during this time is crucial. People like us with anxiety tend to overthink and pick apart every little exchange of words. Communicating clearly is hard for me. That comes from years of dysfunctional living and growing up in the midst of addiction. We were expected to be able to read minds because communication just wasn’t a thing in our home. It was the breeding ground for my codependent core. On some level I think we all exhibit some of the codependent tendencies. But during this time of crisis it’s crucial to communicate in a healthy and direct manner. Take time for ourselves and be straight forward with what we need to stay sane right now. I am careful not to drop hints, assuming that my partner knows what I need. That is setting an unhealthy expectation.

In Jesus Calling, the reading touched on feeling out of control and our normal routines not running smoothly. That couldn’t be more true. That’s another thing that helps people like me. Predictability, routine, and security. Right now, all of this is sabotaged. I sometimes feel like I’m drowning in change and it’s hard to handle. Taking these few minutes to mediate on these words helped to put me back in my reality. Life isn’t over with, it’s changing right now. I’m not drowning, I’m growing. It’s so easy to focus on what makes me uncomfortable or upset. My routine changed, my children’s routines changed, work changed, relationships changed (thanks to social distancing), and that’s just a few things. But what hasn’t changed is the opportunity for growth.

Today I choose to be grateful. Grateful for the opportunity to meditate in solitude. For the opportunity to slow down and focus on what is really important in life. Maybe this whole health crisis is meant to make people slow down. We live too fast and don’t take the time to appreciate the most important things in our lives. I don’t know. I wish I could see what life looks like on the other side of all these changes. But that’s my problem, I want to try and control and manipulate the outcome. Just for today, I will focus on communicating my needs directly and trusting the process. What are you working on today? What are you using this time for? I hope you all take time for yourselves and keep your health front and center. Physical and mental. Have a great day guys.

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