Tiffany Johnson’s “Lost in the Night”
Sobriety date 10-02-2018
Searching for an end, lost in the night.
Hanging by a thread but hanging on so tight.
This disease I have it pulls me in.
Surrounded by darkness, life of sin.
Living in hell most do not know.
Screaming to God, “Just don’t let me go.”
Praying for strength but held by the night.
Body so tired from this thing that I fight.
It runs through my body, courses through my veins.
Bringing with it sorrow, sadness, and shame.
Beaten and broken I lie on the floor.
Time running out, I don’t have much more.
” Why God why, just help me out!”
Death is nearing for this I don’t doubt.
I gather some strength, I reach up high.
“I’ll stop I swear.” But I know that I lie.
My disease steps in “remember you past”
“These promises you make, they will not last.”
I scream out in pain, it echoes around.
The disease just laughs as it’s beating me down.
I can feel it now, I can’t fight no more.
I gave it all up, for just one more score.
My body goes limp, as I struggle for breath.
This disease I have has brought me to death.
My world goes black, there is no sound.
I open my eyes as they lower me down
My babies are crying, my mama so sad.
Surrounded by my brothers, my sisters and dad.
My family all there gathered around, this hole that they have dug me deep in the ground.
I try to hold them, but they do not know, for this thing I’ve got has taken my soul.
My cries are softened as they fade in the night.
My disease has won, I lost the fight.
A little about Tiffany
My name is Tiffany Johnson and I’m 33 years old. I am a drug addict. My drug of choice is IV methamphetamine. I at one time had my life together. However, it was destroyed by my addiction. I went from coaching cheer for my girls-to shooting meth in truck stop bathrooms. A little over 2 months ago I had once again lost everything.
I was literally living in truck stops in my truck. My family was done with me (rightfully so). I had lost: custody of my kids, the faith of my family, all self-respect, but more importantly I had lost me. I woke up every day not wanting to be me. I brushed my teeth in the shower, so I didn’t have to look in the mirror. Most days I welcomed death.
The first pic is Oct 2nd when, sick and tired of being sick and tired and weighing under 100 lbs., I checked myself into Mirror Lake. The second picture is me currently. I completed the 35-day program and now I’m at a halfway, slowly but surely reclaiming my life. My family is slowly coming around. My little sister actually hugged me. My kids are beginning to have faith in me more and more each day and even better, I am beginning to love myself again. I still have a long way to go but doing the things I need to be to keep myself on track.
Not only am I at a halfway house but I am also doing IOP (Intensive Outpatient Program) 4 days a week and going to meetings. It’s a start, a start to a better more productive life. Addiction is a real disease and it’s killing people every day. If you know someone in active addiction don’t give up on them because trust me, we need the extra encouragement, hope and faith, when in active addiction we gave up on ourselves long ago…. Thanks to my family for not giving up on me and giving me another chance…