Hey Guys!
I’ve always loved writing. Stories, Poetry, Songs- you name it and I enjoy writing about it. Losing my mom was one of the most emotionally grueling things I’ve ever dealt with. I found peace in writing. I privately idolize poetry. The thought it takes to come up with the rhyme and rhythm to write one intrigues me. I find it challenging. Not many people know that about me, but I have always enjoyed reading poems. I’ve written a few.
The one I am about to share with you all, I wrote not long after losing my mom. I didn’t know how to process my emotions. So when I couldn’t sleep, I would write. Ive only shared this with a handful of close friends and family members. It has sat secluded on a shelf since 2008. I feel the need to share it now. I hope that by reading this, it will make sense to at least one person. Hopefully make someone else understand the magnitude of addiction, as if coming from an addict who paid the ultimate price. Her life.
Hey what’s up, My name is Shannon
Well now, where do I begin?
I can’t say it started with my childhood
I had a nice one, it went pretty good
At sixteen I had my first baby girl
As a single parent, she was my world
I went to school to help shape my life each day
But the loneliness just wouldn’t go away
I was a social person, if you didn’t know
I had some friends, we did a few things on the down low
Five years later I had my next baby girl
I was married by then living in my own little world
Two years later that fell apart
It crushed me, broke my heart
Here I am, a single mom again
I need someone to be there for me every now and then
I met a man who was there for me
It changed my life completely-that you’ll see
Five years passed I had my next baby
At this point I thought no one could save me
We were busted and put in jail
Mom and Dad pulled strings and saved me from hell
My baby was born very sickly
And I guess you can say that was because of me
I promised to get clean and get off the drugs
And he swore to quit sellin dope with the thugs
I’m living in Jennings by this time.
It’ll be easy to clean up, we’ll be fine
My dream man got out and came to live with me
He was doing good as far as the eye could see
Didn’t take long we got to know the town
Wasn’t much longer our names started getting around
And then I found out I’m pregnant again
This is my last baby, this is it.
I can’t have anymore, now I’m through
I have four girls I have to tend to.
I’m now the night manager at the Holiday Inn
And this is where the nightmare will begin.
I lost my job and things got bad
I couldn’t pretend anymore, this was sad
Couldn’t pay the bills, what will I do?
Fell right into my dream mans groove.
Started selling drugs to put food on the table
Even tho we could both work, we were able
I chose to do wrong, no excuses that’s my fault
I wanted to stop, put things to a halt
After this it was one excuse after another
Can’t stop now, too addicted why bother?
These cops didn’t do their job anyway.
I hooked the undercover up everyday
No one was stepping in anymore
They didn’t want me to be mad like before
Now I’m taking pills every day to deal with my life
By this time, I am Mr. Right’s wife
All we did was fight all the time
My kids were unhappy and so was I
I had to give it one last try
This part left my family asking why?
Why did I try to stop by myself?
I couldn’t do it alone, I needed help.
Now I lay here lifeless in this hospital bed
Days of holding on with no hope so said
Doctors said that I couldn’t hear
But I did, I heard you all so clear
My family was there and talking to me
The pain in their voice as if you could see
Some of you just stood at my bedside and cried
I wanted to reach up to wipe your eyes
I did things my way, in my own time
I know you’ll hold up just fine.
See when this started-I didn’t think it would go this far
Fighting for your life with addiction is one hell of a war
Some people win, and some people lose
If you’re like me then you’ll have to choose
Will you live for that everyday hi?
And risk having to tell your family goodbye?
Or will you get help? And do it right?
Be prepared, addiction gives you a fight
This was a battle I obviously lost
I never knew the price I’d pay-the cost
But my family knows I’m in a better place
Hurry and make your choice, time is not to waste
Please I beg you, I’m on my knees
Make the right choice for your loved ones please
And do it fast, don’t wait
With God it’s not up for debate
When he says it’s your time he doesn’t wait
You control your life, but he controls your fate
Love ya mom
Shannon Patricia Egelston 11/7/71-11/8/2007
