You may remember me from Dr. Phil
My name is Marcedes and I’m an addict.
I always said I’d never end up as an addict. I lived in chaos as a child and suffered the consequences from my mothers addiction. Which took her life 5 years ago this month.
I managed to somehow stay away from hardcore drugs and I somehow didn’t really have a problem with alcohol/drugs until about 22 years old. I crossed over that invisible line into active addiction. I used to blame my circumstances on why I drank, my child hood growing up, my father being absent, being sexually abused, etc. It kept me sick for a long time. My addiction took me places I never imagined. Homeless, prostitution, hospitals, jails, and death. Two overdoses, hotel rooms where you couldn’t walk on the carpet – the kind you pay for hourly. I did anything and everything to get that next fix even if it meant hurting you along the way.
My day couldn’t start without a shot of dope, a drink of vodka, and a line of cocaine. I needed something in my body to make it through the day and even then I found myself looking for more. It was never enough. In the end it didn’t work anymore. I couldn’t shower, eat, sleep, or function. The internal consequences happened long before the external. I was dying. Slowly. I couldn’t look at myself anymore, I hated who I had become. I knew that I deserved better and one night after pacing around the room I cried and cried and prayed for God to please save me. On this day I couldn’t find the drugs I needed, there was no finessing my way out of this one, I had reached the bottom that I needed in that very moment. Everyone had given up on me, I was homeless, broken, broke and dope sick. It was exactly what I needed in that moment. I received a call that SAME day that would be a defining moment in my life. A call from the Dr.Phil show asking me if I wanted to attend the show and get treatment.
It was in this moment I had the willingness to go, I was extremely ready for this nightmare to end. In that very moment I would of done whatever It took to get sober. Even if it meant flying to L.A and sitting across the stage from Dr.Phil and admitting my faults and humbling myself enough to ask for help in front of millions of people.
It was one of the hardest things I’ve ever done. I thank God for that show and I thank God for the rehab I was sent to. It made me see how delusional and sick I truly was. I learned that I can’t safely use drugs or alcohol in any form.
I realized that you can take my booze and drugs away and I still can be delusional and insane. I still can have chaos in my life. I learned that I had to do ALOT of work on myself, get honest with myself, make peace with my past and clean MY side of the street. I also learned to trust a power greater than myself. That I COULD NOT do this on my own.
Today, I am a productive member of society. I am a mother to my two children, I’m able to be a big sister, an Aunt to and a good employee where I get to help people every day. I work in a treatment center as a group facilitator. I work a 12 step program, I do service work, I have commitments, and I suit up and show up when life hits. Because it does.
I’m so grateful for my sobriety and I’m so grateful that I can spread the message of hope. 🙏🏻
