First, let me tell you just a bit about me. Before I share about my work or what compelled me to go forth on this mission of service work to the still suffering addict or those searching for additional recovery support.
Rose in a large family, with serious generational dysfunction, abused mentally and physically, during childhood there was no other path I could follow. I escaped to the other side of the country from west Texas, to start over at eighteen and only a few hundred dollars in my pocket when I arrived in south Florida.
Today besides being an Author, Recovery Advocate, and Life Coach, I am a Mom of two and Grandmother of five and they all are the light that warms my heart daily because there was a time I never thought it possible. I love gardening around the house I bought four and a half years ago now, a gift to myself on my twelve-year Sobriety anniversary. I also enjoy my favorite restaurant Shuckers, while sitting Oceanside and staring out over the expanse of the ocean to the horizon reflecting on how grateful I am for the life I have today. I am blessed with over sixteen years in recovery, after a twenty-five-year addiction to cocaine, ten of which I spent on the streets homeless. I enjoy being a Recovery Advocate and Life Coach helping those still struggling to find their way through the waters of recovery and the entire stigma that comes along with being an addict. Writing has become a meaningful and deeply satisfying way to meet others and fulfill a strong conviction to help other souls on their life journey.
I began writing my personal story to explore and understand my life events and make sense of the how, and why, things happened as they did and the how and why I became addicted to cocaine. A simple daily journal I had begun writing early in my recovery as a self-therapy tool, ultimately became the framework for The Big trap. From what appeared at first a random array of unconnected personal life events and impulsive choices, steadily emerged recognition of interconnectedness and cause and effect of my addiction and the life I had chosen to maintain it. Writing out the steps and then later reading professional psychology and addiction literature revealed commonalities between myself and others I had known in and out of recovery and I began to strongly believe I could offer something of timely value and benefit to those in need. The question of why I believed I could and should write a recovery book was answered by the majority of people I had shared some part of my story with over the years who lamented, “You should write a book. Thousands need help.” They were right and I knew there was no turning back and a writer was born.
The Big Trap is a metaphor of addiction maintenance. Addicts telling themselves and wanting to believe it as well, the immediate act of getting high right now is this last one, the last high, and then no more, we stop. But the follow through to stop is nearly impossible until a full acceptance of change is present deep in the soul and then, surrender to change can and will take place.
My favorite chapter in this book is #9: The Long Road Back, in which, I had ended up back in jail, once again. Facing the consequences of my 3rd felony and I knew it was time to stop the madness of addiction and the life I was living, if you could really call living on the streets, high practically 24/7 – 365 days a year for over 10 years, a life. I was on my knees in the courthouse jail cell praying for a second chance, waiting to see the Judge about an early release, after completing the 12-week jailhouse rehab program. I promised the Lord, I would embrace recovery and share the message to help others avoid the same destruction I lived, so they too can know the freedom of recovery and joy in their lives, once again.
How long did it take to write my first book was a question I’m asked often, and answered as such? I set out just journaling for self-closure to pains I no longer wished to carry, as I continued to expand my thoughts into a format usable to print, the process took about three years to complete. However, I was also compelled to build a business, become my own publishing company, invest in myself and share this message of courage to overcome anything holding you down. Today I try to lead only by my own path walked both the good and bad.
The story recounts my life events from earliest childhood memories and facts I could accurately verify as the path, the stepping-stones more or less, to my ultimate addiction. It reveals early traumatic events, the horrors of abuse I suffered within an extended alcoholic family, and being a child rape victim. It illuminates the subtlety of neglect, isolation, and the harsh environments to create lifelong conflicts and anxieties that untreated or ignored undermine normal healthy development and often result in efforts to self-medicate that are far too often the origins of destructive addiction. I engaged that path as a teenager with alcohol and followed with marijuana, largely at first because it reduced the mental anguish and softened the effects of physical injuries. Ultimately, my judgement being, too poorly developed to be wary of the seemingly perfect man I later married and trusted to protect me, introduced me to cocaine after a self-imposed abstinence from alcohol and weed had steadily improved my life quality. He said; “Just once, just try it please… if you love me you will just once.” I was hooked without any idea of how powerful and life altering the shiny little lines of white was. Up to that point my earnest efforts to be a good wife while being the successful career woman at the forefront of the emerging personal computer revolution were extremely productive and financially rewarding and the book illuminates the good and bad choices so many of us make and why. I had worked my way through college while holding down a full time job by night to become the sole woman Electrician and Electronic Technician in a male dominated field. Within the picture perfect family life and career of two professional go-getters moving up that everyone on the outside looking in saw, two functioning addicts were hiding the big secret. Casual occasional recreational coke use had steadily become addiction chaos and all the success tumbles down line by line within a year of that first fiery nose burning line. The monster of more and more drugs took over landing me on the streets for ten years chasing… more! It takes the reader through the days and nights of those living our here, dealing drugs, using drugs and all the violence it holds. After multiple overdoses and seizures almost daily in the end, it was that last trip to jail that I realized I needed to stop. I requested the in-house jail rehab program for my housing stay during that one-year sentence and began what is today my complete recovery.
DOES MY BOOK HAVE A LESSON TO TEACH or LEARN? Yes, Addiction is never the answer to dealing with the underlying emotional trauma most addicts use over, and that there is a way out from the deadly grip of addiction no matter how far down you may have fallen, as I had or others. The moral to the story, Drug or Alcohol addiction or honestly any other infirmity we use to avoid the painful reality of our existence, is not the answer. Through therapy many times is the only hope we have to finding the root cause and effectively leaving it to the unchangeable past, after stopping our addiction dead in its tracks is the first step! My new book FREE “D is set to capture many of the psychological tools I used to grow in my recovery and hopefully a tool others can use also, as many are not fortunate enough to obtain therapy in its many various forms because of financial reasons more than any other.
Books I have personally used and read over the years have also helped my ability to process much of what I was dealing with as the years proceeded forward. My book selection over the years has centered on anything, which helps me understand a spiritual existence. My Bible first and foremost, Celestine Prophecy, The Secrets of Shambhala, aswell as Games People Play and other psychology / sociology books, and of course the NA/AA big books both of which hold powerful recovery information.
I am very happy with all the positive feedback I have received about my book, The Big Trap … Just One Last High! The reviews have shown that its impact on those struggling with addiction, or understanding what their family or friends are dealing with has been overwhelming to know it helped them greatly warms my heart. Going forward I hope only to get this book into the hands of many others struggling and bring courage to them to fight for their lives in recovery.
I plan to continue to expand my addiction/recovery advocacy platform, while also continuing to share my experience, strength, and hopes with others looking to find their way out from under the stress of addiction. In addition, to implement placement of my books into Jails, Juvenile Detention centers and other Rehabs & Sober Living facilities as a guidepost to where they do not want to go and how they too can find courage to escape.
This book is available in paperback by ordering directly from: Tiffy Rose LLC Publishing, Amazon.com/worldwide sites, Book Depository/worldwide free shipping, Barnes & Noble or most bookstore outlets, also available in eBook for the Kindle, Nook, or Kobo – eBook readers.
Places where you can reach me, either directly or for recovery inspiration.
My Website – Rose’s Recovery Thoughts
by Email – [email protected]
On Facebook- Rose T. Rose
My biz pg – Tiffy Rose LLC Publishing – Author
OK the million-dollar question I have been asked as well, what is next? I am now in the final stages of finishing my second book as a sequel to Trapped. The Big Trap is more about how I got there and the second book is about, how others and I make it back. It’s focused essentially on the steps of recovery and sobriety and how to get there and stay. I illuminate the variety of myths and pitfalls of outdated perceptions of addiction and how, harmful they can be if taken as gospel when current research and subject trails define newer methods of treatment that are more often effective short term and long. My sixteen years in recovery I utilize to define how to search out well-hidden or ignored cause/effect relationships that often underlie the addiction cycle and how to navigate the problems every addict trying to recover likely will encounter. I explore how to deal with many types of stigma and discrimination usually encountered and the tools I have learned along the way to share with others trying to find the right recovery path and its steps and conquer the obstacles. A third book, a true-life mystery has been outlined and I will publish it in early 2020.
As an Indie Author, I have enjoyed the ride; the self-taught learning process at times was overwhelming, though my higher power God continued to push me along. There were a couple hiccups along the way as I learned all about the publishing part of this journey, I was blessed with a great editor and that in itself eased some of my stress. Earlier this year, I attended an NA Convention in which I was asked to speak about having a Recovery Plan for long-term recovery, share my book with others and enjoy the beauty of Wyoming in late spring. Lessons learned over the years. Never ever, give up on your dream, no matter what may stand in your way of achieving it! Besides the success of over sixteen and a half years in recovery, my book has given me the one thing I asked the Lord for when I finally decided I was going after this quest, and that was to help at least One Person from my story, of which I have numerous times over by his grace. Today I am able to continue this each day and the success is theirs, those helped by my destruction to avoid it themselves and inspire the courage to bounce back from the pit of hell at any cost.
Thank you for your time and allowing me to share.
Rose
