My name is Tyler and I am a recovering heroin addict. I’m 32 years old and am from Ohio, a State that has become engulfed in this epidemic. I have taken my last breath a few times in my life. By the grace of God and the first responders who had Narcan I am still here today.
I didn’t always live a life full of self harming IV heroin use. I was born on 9/9/86 and went through many tribulations within my first few months of life. Being born early, I didn’t have a fully developed lung. So I had to stay in the hospital for quite some time. Upon release, I was put into an unstable and dangerous household. My grandma saved me from a situation that could have turned out life threatening.
I grew up in a loving home where I never wanted for anything. My family always gave me love and support. Pornography introduced itself at a young age, which altered my perception on relationships for a long time after that. When I was around 7 years old an older neighbor boy molested me. That affected me more than I would ever realize. I can still paint a vivid picture of my surroundings the first time it occurred.
The first substance I ever tried was nicotine. I remember having packs of cigarettes at age 9 or 10. My friends and I thought we were cool, smoking together. At 12 I first tasted alcohol. I remember the feeling was so freeing and my emotions showed this to be true as well. When I was 15, I was introduced to marijuana, and I fell in love. I would save my lunch money all week just to buy a bag of weed and a bottle of vodka for the weekend.
Throughout high school, I was a talented baseball player and put a lot of work into my sport. I had multiple colleges looking at me, but I never applied myself academically so I didn’t go. I felt stupid and not good enough. At 18 I would party and occasionally pick up cocaine. I was in a serious relationship that had started my junior year. We moved into my first house at 19. Looking back now, the fact that I could make such big decisions while being addicted blows my mind. We split up when I was 20.
Trying to deal with the breakup and abandonment issues I suffered from since birth, I felt all these uncomfortable feelings. Nothing I was doing was working. I dug deeper to escape the pain and at 20 I found my DOC, which was IV heroin. My best friend at the time introduced me to it and it was a feeling I had never experienced. It felt like warm honey running all the way down my body. I had no pain, no worries, and no care in the world. I lost my best friend to an overdose a few months later and lost my house 8 months after my first use. Filed for bankruptcy at 21 years old. I had nothing and moved back home.
I continued to use and in 2011 was charged with felony theft and forgery. I was put in a lockdown rehabilitation treatment for 5 months, which counted for my jail time, along with 2 years probation. I completed the program and relapsed the same day they released me. Within a few months, I was in prison. I continued using after I got out of prison. I went to a ministry program in 2014 and left after three months. I overdosed 4 times in two months and returned to the same ministry. I never surrendered to my disease even though every time I felt like I had. I relapsed 8 months into the program and was kicked out.
Feb 2016 I was pulled over for a traffic stop and ended up in jail for a few months. When I was released, I got on the vivitrol shot. I did good for 6 months, but ended up relapsing on crack. Went back to jail Sept 2016 and sat 2 and a half months until I went to another program. Completed a 4 month program and moved into a transitional ministry and was there 6 months. Got into a relationship with a young lady, got off probation, had got my license back and enrolled in school to become a counselor.
On my birthday she took a pregnancy test, and we found out we were going to be parents. The very next day she lost the baby. We got married on October 14th 2017 and three weeks later I overdosed. It took 5 shots to bring me back. I bounced back and got to where I was focusing on trying to be a stable husband, but I was damaged. My wife came to me at the end of November with the news she was pregnant again. This time it felt different, I had no children, so this was big for me. We struggled to keep our marriage together but due to my behavior and chronic relapsing we split up in Feb 2018. By the end of that month, I overdosed again. My car, phone, wallet, and all my money was stolen. I was broken to the point that I didn’t care if I lived or not. My marriage was in turmoil and yet I was still only worried about throwing my own pity party. I dug deeper into my addiction and it grew into a 250 dollar a day fentanyl habit. Aug 25th 2018 my son was born, and I had decided to go to an event to get a scholarship for treatment out of state. On Aug 26th 2018 I took a plane to Louisiana and completed a treatment program. I came back to Ohio to see my son for a week then drove back to Louisiana to get into Oxford house.
I was there two-and-a-half weeks, and moved to open a new Oxford house. I’ve been a part since November 4th 2018. I dug into my recovery and step work, service work. I worked on the dream my addiction told me I wasn’t good enough for. I wrote my story in forms of rap and writing inspirational quotes. I started and founded my brand called Rap over Relapse in January 2019. I just finalized divorce in Feb 2019. I’ve taken steps to budget money and make proper preparation for saving to come back to see my son. I am working a job and sending money to my son. Overall, I am being responsible for my life and doing what’s right, even when it’s difficult. No matter what will come in front of me, I can and will get through it clean and sober. I made 6 months clean on 2/26/19 Thank you for reading and please share out.
You can follow Tyler here:
https://www.facebook.com/RapOverRelapse/